my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
