Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
