Don't you send me to vm
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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