there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
