I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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