I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
