Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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