I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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