hell yes lets make some ravioli
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
