so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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