I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
