Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
