Your face is a jimmy john
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
