Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
