am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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