Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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