My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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