I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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