It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize