I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will pee on everything he values.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
