Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
