i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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