it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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