So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
