there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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