sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
