im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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