I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
