i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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