It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
