i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
