I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When are your genitals available?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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