Duck Duck Cougar?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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