How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
