So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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