I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
