wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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