Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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