I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
