My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
