my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
