You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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