the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
