Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
