Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's shark week go big or go home
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
