So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
