I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
