I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
