SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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