i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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