kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
