so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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