What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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