I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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